UNIX humour

Type any of the commands bellow in a UNIX terminal, and you'll get these funny responses.

The C shell

• rm meese-ethics
  rm: meese-ethics nonexistent
• ar m God
  ar: God does not exist
• "How would you rate Clinton's incompetence?
  Unmatched ".
• [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
  Missing ].
• ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
  Modifier failed.
• If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?
  Too many ('s.
• make love
  Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
• sleep with me
  bad character
• got a light?
  No match.
• man: why did you get a divorce?
  man:: Too many arguments.
• ^What is saccharine?
  Bad substitute.
• %blow
  %blow: No such job.
• \(-
  (-: Command not found.

The Bourne Shell

• PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
  no sense in pretending!
• drink <bottle; opener
  bottle: cannot open
  opener: not found
• mkdir matter; cat >matter
  matter: cannot create